**"COMMON SENSE, PEOPLE! Spider-Man Noir showed up in my driveway last night looking for loose change."**
🚨🚨 LOCAL MAN LOSES IT OVER ‘NOIR NUISANCE’ 🚨🚨
Just saw this on the *Maplewood Moms & Dads Unite* FB page and I’m still shaking my head. My neighbor, Karen (74, retired librarian), posts at 3 AM: *“WHO LET THE DEPRESSION-ERA SPIDER-MAN INTO THE PARKING LOT OF WALMART? He was leaning against a dumpster, chain-smoking, muttering about ‘the system.’ I asked if he needed help. He said, ‘I need a nickel for the trolley, dollface.’ I’m calling the HOA.”*
And the comments? 🤦♂️
*“He’s just a street-level vigilante with a fedora. Let him live.”*
*“Common sense says if you can’t afford a fedora, don’t wear one. He’s a menace.”*
*“I saw him last Tuesday. He stole my copy of ‘The Maltese Falcon’ from the library steps. Said he was ‘borrowing it for a case.’ I’m still waiting.”*
Look, I get it. Times are tough. But this guy is *literally* a character from a 1930s pulp comic book. He doesn’t pay taxes. He doesn’t have a mask with expressive eyes—he just has a scowl. He’s probably scaring the crows away from the organic farmer’s market.
Common sense, people: If you see a dude in a trench coat and a fedora crawling upside down on the overpass, don’t offer him a cigarette. Call the actual police. Or at least ask him if he’s seen my goddamn recycling bin—it’