Peter Thiel Invests in Time Machine, Immediately Regrets Not Becoming Meme Lord
San Francisco, CA — In a move that has the internet in a chokehold of irony, billionaire tech mogul Peter Thiel has reportedly sunk a fortune into a top-secret time machine project, only to realize too late that he should have focused on perfecting the "distracted boyfriend" meme instead. Sources close to Thiel claim the venture capitalist, known for co-founding PayPal and funding Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit against Gawker, stepped out of the prototype in 2014 and spent five minutes staring at his phone before muttering, "I could have been the one who made 'Grumpy Cat' a trillion-dollar asset." The revelation has sparked a wave of Schadenfreude among online communities, who are now crafting memes of Thiel staring at a retro-futuristic DeLorean with the caption: "Time travel: still not as lucrative as a funny cat picture." Critics are already calling it the most Thiel thing ever.