**HOLLYWOOD IN DECAY: Nicolas Cage Declares 'Acting is Dead,' Announces NFT Church as New Faith System**
In what moral critics are calling the "ultimate surrender to the death of artistry," Nicolas Cage has revealed he is abandoning traditional cinema to found a digital congregation called "The Church of the Eternal Frame."
The Oscar winner, speaking from his new "virtual sanctuary" (a rented warehouse in Las Vegas), announced that his next dozen performances will be minted exclusively as NFTs, to be viewed only by holders of his new $CAGE meme coin.
"The script is dead. The human soul is a liability," Cage declared, wearing a suit made entirely of QR codes. "We are moving past the moral decay of 'storytelling' into a pure exchange of spiritual data. Every blink, every twitch, every primal scream I make—it will now be a liquid asset."
The announcement included the immediate launch of "CageCoin," which crashed 40% within the first hour as fans and moral watchdogs alike declared the move "a symptom of the silicon hollowing out of our humanity."
Critics are already labeling this the "Cage Apocalypse," arguing that if even a once-revered (if eccentric) artist now views human expression as nothing more than a speculative financial instrument, then society has officially entered its final, soulless phase.
"First, we sold our time. Then, we sold our faces," said one media ethicist. "Now, Nicolas Cage is asking us to buy his very existence. This is the logical endpoint of content culture. There is nothing left to hold sacred."
Cage has reportedly already presold 4,000 "digital souls" for $50 a share.