**BREAKING: Nicolas Cage Digitally Resurrected as AI Actor – Signs 100-Year Contract with Metaverse Studio**
*Hollywood, CA – In what industry insiders are calling the most unhinged career move in cinematic history, Nicolas Cage has reportedly signed a century-long contract with Phantasm Studios to become the world’s first "Eternal A-Lister."*
The deal, worth a rumored $1.8 billion, grants the studio full AI rights to Cage’s likeness, voice, and "unique emotional volatility." Starting in 2026, deepfake Cage will star in 12 films *simultaneously*—including a hyper-realistic remake of *The Wicker Man* where he fights AI-generated bees in real-time across 8K screens installed in funeral homes.
“I’ve finally achieved the singularity: one man, infinite cringe, and no sleep,” said a holographic Cage during a press conference inside a burning Tesla.
Social media erupted as experts predicted a “Cage-mageddon”: By 2033, 1 in 4 streaming movies will feature a synthetic Cage, leading to a global shortage of plastic snakes and honey. Pope Francis has reportedly called for an emergency exorcism of the algorithm.