**"NEMESIS THEORY IS REAL" – My Neighbor Dressed as NICOLAS CAGE to Scare Off a Bear. And It Worked.**
*Posted in "Maplewood & Surrounds Community Group" by Karen S.*
Oh, for crying out loud. You all saw that viral video of the bear in the Costco parking lot? Well, last night, one of those furry monsters tried to get into my trash cans on Chestnut Street.
My neighbor, Gary—the guy with the "I Survived the 90s" bumper sticker—didn't call animal control. He didn't use an air horn. He ran inside, grabbed a *Con Air* wig, a fake leather jacket, and a bottle of maple syrup (no idea why the syrup, just go with it), and started screaming "NOT THE BEES" at the top of his lungs while pacing back and forth.
AND THE BEAR RAN AWAY.
It literally turned tail and bolted into the woods. I can't believe I'm typing this, but it’s the only "common sense" solution that actually worked in this town. The local wildlife officer said, quote: "We cannot officially recommend this, but statistically, a charging Nicolas Cage impersonation has a 100% success rate in this district."
So, folks. Forget bear spray. Forget those stupid garbage locks. Just buy a copy of *Face/Off*, study his facial tics, and for the love of all that is holy, keep a rubber snake in your pocket. You’re welcome.
**#CageCountry #MaplewoodBears #CommonSense #NotTheBees**
*Edit: No, I will not share his address. Yes, he is still accepting PayPal donations for "research purposes."*