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**Local Man Channels “National Treasure” After Neighbor’s Nicolas Cage Cutout Causes “Eyesore Drama”**
*Cedarville, Ohio* – A quiet suburban street has erupted into a full-blown “Con Air” of petty disputes after local resident Gary Thornsby, 54, installed a life-sized, weather-beaten cardboard cutout of Nicolas Cage in his front yard.
“It’s just common sense,” fumed Cheryl Blevins, 61, who lives three doors down. “I’m all for freedom of expression, but this thing is from *Vampire’s Kiss*. It’s covered in rain-warped ‘cocaine’ letters and it stares directly into my kitchen window while I’m trying to eat my oatmeal. I told Gary, ‘You’re driving down property values with that crazy-eyed face.’ He said it’s ‘performance art’ about the housing market. I said, ‘No, Gary, it’s an eyesore. Use some common sense—take it down before I call the HOA. We live in America, not *Mandy*.’”
The debate has split the neighborhood. Thornsby, reached for comment, said he refuses to budge. “It’s my declaration of independence. If people used more common sense, they’d realize a little Cage is exactly what this boring street needs. Tell Cheryl to quit looking at him. He’s just standing there. Being a legend.”
The city has yet to comment, but one neighbor summed it up perfectly in the comments: “This is peak 2025. We can’t afford eggs, but we’ve got a full-scale international incident over a cardboard Nicolas Cage. Honestly? I’m taking his side. The man has *range*.”