**LOCAL MAN WONDERS WHY NICOLAS CAGE ISN’T FIXING THE POTHOLE ON MAIN STREET**
Posted by: Karen Millbrook, 2 hours ago in *Smithville Community Watch*
Okay, I’m just gonna say what everyone else is thinking.
We’ve got a giant sinkhole forming in front of the Dollar General. Kids can’t bike to school without risking a broken axle. But our tax dollars apparently went to the “Smithville Arts Council” so they could fly in *Nicolas Cage* for the Apple Butter Festival parade? I saw him waving from his convertible—probably costing us $50,000 just for his face.
Here’s my common sense take: If that man can steal the Declaration of Independence in a movie, he can certainly hold a shovel. We don’t need celebrities. We need asphalt. But no, let’s keep ignoring the real problems while he does his “cagey” thing and drives off.
**172 comments** — *Top reactions: “He ate my neighbor’s beehive,” “Priorities, people,” and “Share if you’d rather see a real cage around the pothole.”*