MORTGAGE INTEREST RATES CRASH THE RED CARPET: Stars Flee as Shock Rate Hike Sends A-Listers Into Panic! The glitz and glamour of Hollywood’s biggest night turned into a frantic scramble tonight when the surprise spike in mortgage interest rates sent shockwaves through the audience. Witnesses say Jennifer Lawrence dropped her champagne mid-toast and screamed, “My Malibu mansion is suddenly a liability!” while a visibly shaken Brad Pitt was seen frantically dialing his realtor from the VIP lounge. The drama hit fever pitch when Kim Kardashian reportedly burst into tears after realizing the rate hike could cost her a cool million on her latest Hidden Hills estate. “It’s a total bloodbath,” whispered one stunned publicist. “This isn’t just a housing crisis—it’s a celebrity nightmare!” As stars dashed for the exits, leaving a trail of abandoned Louboutins and shattered contracts, the question on every agent’s mind is clear: who will survive the mortgage meltdown?