**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
**Madison Beer’s Underwear Drawer Has a Higher Credit Score Than Most Americans**
**HOLLYWOOD, CA** — In a move that has left laundry experts and financial advisors equally baffled, pop star Madison Beer took to TikTok yesterday to “just be honest” about her financial priorities, inadvertently kicking off the internet’s newest economic debate: “The Beer Index.”
While showing off a custom-made, climate-controlled closet for her designer intimates, Beer nonchalantly revealed that the insurance policy on her vintage lace collection is worth more than the median home in Ohio. “Yeet,” she reportedly whispered as she closed the drawer.
The clip immediately went viral, with Gen Z users flooding the comments not with accusations of “out of touch,” but with requests for laundry tips.
*“She’s not being a billionaire brat; she’s teaching us about asset diversification,”* wrote user @CryptoLaundry. *“If the economy crashes, I’m trading my Ramen noodles for a pair of her worn Skims.”*
Financial analysts are now coining the term “The Madison Paradox,” where the irony isn't her wealth, but the fact that her underwear holds its value better than the US Dollar. Meanwhile, Beer responded to the backlash by clarifying: “It’s not about the money; it’s about the waistband integrity.”
The NASDAQ has yet to comment on whether it will list panties as a commodity.