**OH GREAT, *ANOTHER* CIA SCANDAL? SAY IT AIN’T SO.** 🙄
**TL;DR** – Aging spook David Rush accidentally leaves his top-secret CIA “burn bag” in a Starbucks bathroom in McLean, Virginia. Inside? Not nuclear codes. Just a half-eaten bag of warheads (the sour candy, you absolute madman) and what appears to be a classified file titled, *”How To Make A Third-World Coup *Actually* Profitable This Time.*” 🚀
AITA for thinking the Agency’s OpSec is less secure than my neighbor’s WiFi password? The barista reportedly found it, put it in the “lost and found” bin next to someone’s forgotten Tupperware, and didn’t call Langley until after taking a photo for the ‘gram. #JustCIAThings
**BREAKING:** The file allegedly contains 47 pages of “pro-tips” for destabilizing banana republics, with a sticky note attached that reads, *“Gerry, don’t forget to water the ficus in the safe house. Also, overthrow Brazil by Tuesday.”*
Reddit detectives are already tracing the handwriting. We’re all just waiting for the Netflix docu-series. 🍿