**OH GREAT, ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER CHRIS HANSEN MYSTERY**
AITA for thinking this man is secretly a time-traveling cryptid? TL;DR: Dateline's favorite predator-baiting grandpa was spotted at a Waffle House in Tulsa at 3 AM, NOT to catch a guy with a six-pack of Michelob Ultra and a stuffed animal named "Lil' Susie," but allegedly to *order hash browns*.
Bystanders say he was just sitting there, holding a coffee mug like a demented king, staring at the jukebox. A waitress claims he whispered, "Have a seat," to a mid-30s guy in cargo shorts who walked in looking for a bathroom. The guy apparently ran out screaming, "NOT TODAY, SATAN."
So, Reddit: is he just a man who can no longer separate his identity from his job, or is this a high-concept method acting project for a new A24 film? TL;DR: Man who defined a generation of internet shame culture can no longer enjoy a pecan waffle without summoning the ghost of every cringey weirdo in a 50-mile radius.