american idol hannah harper news: Local Man Discovers Ventriloquist Dummy He Impregnated at County Fair Was Actually Just Ex-Wife Wearing a Potato Sack, AITA for Walking Out?
TL;DR - My ex-wife disguised herself as a wooden puppet with a chip on its shoulder (and within its hollow head) to sabotage my *American Idol* audition, because she’s still salty I didn’t clap for her when she sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at karaoke in 2019. Now the judges are saying I have “commitment issues.” Cool, cool.