**VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET**
**Man Who Faked His Own Death to Dodge Traffic Court Is Alive, Still Getting Roasted by Internet**
**PORT ST. LUCIE, FL** — In what historians are calling the “Galaxy Brain of the Zero-Stakes Escape,” dismissed traffic court defendant William “But Wait, There’s Less” Bumpus has resurfaced—and the internet has officially retired the “Bumpus Curve.”
For those unfamiliar: In 2012, Bumpus faked his own death in a boating accident to avoid a $60 ticket for speeding. The plan worked for nine years, until he was recently found alive and arrested. But the internet isn’t mad—they’re impressed.
Why it’s trending: The irony is *chef’s kiss*. Billy spent nearly a decade underwater (metaphorically) to dodge a fine that costs less than a tank of gas. Now, he faces jail time and a lifetime of being roasted as the “Man Who Killed Himself for a Wendy’s Four-for-Four.”
The joke: He’s become a martyr for people who hate bureaucracy *and* logic. Every time you miss a payment, pay a parking ticket, or file your taxes, someone in the comments will whisper: “Don’t Bumpus it.”
**Moral of the story:** If you’re going to fake your own death, at least do it to avoid something cooler—like a pyramid scheme or jury duty. For $60? That’s not a crime. That’s a performance art piece about inflation.