**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
**Washington, D.C.** – In what experts are calling the biggest missed opportunity since "buy low, sell high" was first uttered, the VA Home Loan Program—a zero-down-payment, no-PMI, veteran-exclusive golden ticket—has apparently been sitting in the corner like an unopened fruitcake since 1944.
Despite being the single most powerful home-buying tool in American history, data shows that millions of veterans are choosing to instead fork over thousands in rent, get laughed at by civilian lenders, or simply whisper, "I didn't want to bother anyone," into the void.
“We gave these heroes a sword that slays interest rates, forgives closing costs, and can be reused like a library card,” said a baffled VA spokesperson. “And they’re out here trying to fight the housing market with a butter knife and a prayer.”
Military memes have exploded this week, featuring a worried veteran looking at a 7% conventional loan while the VA Loan stands behind him holding a sign that reads, “I’m right here, Steve. I’ve always been right here.”
Veterans online are firing back with comments like, "I thought you had to be a retired general with perfect credit," and, "I didn't know because the paper I had to fill out was only slightly less complicated than the Treaty of Versailles."
The Treasury Department has declined to comment, but sources say they’re currently considering renaming the program "The Lying Dormant Asset" to better reflect reality. Meanwhile, real estate agents everywhere are reportedly buying tiny violins to play while watching veterans pay private mortgage insurance.
**Irony level:** So high, it qualifies for its own VA loan.