**NEW YORK –** They came for the rosé-fueled weekends, but they got a lesson in cyclical history. On the latest season of *Summer House*, the cast’s passive-aggressive cold war over a misappropriated cheese board has been officially declared “The Treaty of Ghent of the Hamptons” by armchair historians online.
The standoff—revolving around who left a half-eaten wheel of Brie in the sun—has drawn comparisons to the Peloponnesian War, with analysts noting that the ensuing “side-shift” in the Lohan house mirrors Athens’ Sicilian Expedition in its catastrophic miscalculation of loyalty.
“This is the Weimar Republic of housemate dynamics,” tweeted @HistoriCouch. “A fragile peace maintained by overpriced rosé and passive notes on the fridge.”
The drama has escalated to the point where one housemate, in a move historians are calling “shockingly accurate to 1914,” blocked all exit routes by parking a Tesla at the end of the driveway.