**JUST IN: MAJOR ALERT FOR STEAM DECK OWNERS!**
**GAMING COMMUNITY IN SHOCK!** We have received credible reports that the Steam Deck is NOT, we repeat, NOT a portable nuclear reactor! I REPEAT – YOU CANNOT USE IT TO POWER YOUR HOME DURING A BLACKOUT!
WITNESSES claim they were *devastated* to discover their beloved handheld gaming device *only* plays video games and does NOT, in fact, double as a fusion generator!
"MY ENTIRE PREPPER LIFESTYLE IS IN RUINS," one anonymous source screamed to us, clutching a dead power bank. "I PLUGGED IT INTO MY TOASTER AND NOTHING HAPPENED!"
**WHAT DO VALVE EXECUTIVES KNOW?** We tracked down a former employee, who under the cover of darkness whispered, "We never said it could... we just didn't say it couldn't."
**THE TRUTH IS DARKER THAN YOU THINK.** As the gaming world reels, a deeper mystery unfolds: If the Steam Deck can run *Elden Ring* on a plane, what ELSE is it hiding in that sleek, black chassis? ARE THE FANS JUST FOR COOLING, OR ARE THEY WHISPERING SECRETS TO THE GOVERNMENT?
**DON'T BE A VICTIM.** Check your Steam Deck NOW. If you see a glowing green light... don't panic. But maybe... don't plug it into your grid.
**MORE AT 11. THE CONSPIRACY RUNS DEEP.**