**Pierre Deny Eats 47 Live Goldfish at Local Pet Store to “Prove” He’s Not a Robot**
**TL;DR:** Some tech-bro dude named Pierre Deny thought the best way to push back against “the algorithm” was to walk into a PetCo, scream “I AM A HUMAN,” and chug a tank of feeder fish. AITA for thinking he’s just a glitch in the simulation?
**Details for the Overlords:** Apparently, this guy—who has the energy of a man who unironically uses the phrase “digital detox”—recorded himself at a PetSmart in Ohio. He claims the government is using AI to “harvest his thoughts,” and the only way to prove he’s a real boy is to commit a biohazard-level crime on camera. He then proceeded to eat *forty-seven* live goldfish, one by one, while making intense eye contact with the store’s security camera. The video ends with him burping and saying, “See? No microchip in this stomach.”
**My Take:** Ah yes, the classic “I’m too powerful for the matrix” defense. Dude really watched *The Matrix* once and thought, “What if Neo, but with a fish tank and a pending lawsuit?” The goldfish didn’t consent to this bizarre data privacy protest. I’m honestly more concerned that he stopped at 47. Why not 50? Is that where the simulation gets laggy? Anyway, the store is now infested with a man who smells like regrets and fish flakes. The real villain? The algorithm that convinced him this was a “based” move.
**Rating:** 3/5 stars for commitment to the bit, but -2 for animal cruelty and -1 for not even making it a cool number.