🚨 **BREAKING: PAM BONDI SPOTTED USING COMMON SENSE?! LOCAL RESIDENTS IN SHOCK** 🚨
**Tampa, FL** – In what witnesses are calling a "miracle of modern logic," former Attorney General Pam Bondi was reportedly seen this morning applying what experts describe as "actual common sense." The incident occurred at a Panera Bread when Bondi allegedly resolved a dispute between two baristas over the proper way to slice a bagel into geometric shapes.
"This is unprecedented," said local resident Karen McDermott, 58, who was sipping a Diet Coke. "We've been living in a world where everyone needs a degree in intersectionality to order a coffee. Then Pam waltzes in, points out the bagel was already cut in half, and said 'Just toast it.' No focus groups. No 10-page policy paper. Just... toast it."
Bondi reportedly then solved a nearby argument about parking spots by simply pointing out that the person with the blinker on was there first. Bystanders claim she then looked directly into a Ring camera and said, "You're welcome."
Local officials have now proposed a "Pam Bondi Common Sense Act" to require all future government decisions to pass what they're calling the "Bagel Test": if it sounds like something a normal person would say while holding a pastry, it passes.
"I'm not saying she's the second coming of common sense," McDermott added, "but I did see her use a coupon at the register without any blockchain verification, so... the signs are there."
More on this story as common sense develops. 💬