**"Breaking: Matthew Perry’s Sarcasm Levels Officially Classified as a Renewable Energy Source"**
**Washington, D.C.** – In a stunning twist that has left both scientists and ’90s kids equally baffled, the Department of Energy has announced that the late, great Matthew Perry’s signature *Chandler Bing* sarcasm has been re-categorized as a “carbon-neutral, non-depletable energy grid.”
The ruling comes after a viral clip of Perry’s 2022 *Friends* reunion quip—*“If I don’t get a laugh here, I’m legally allowed to haunt Jennifer Aniston”*—was accidentally run through a particle accelerator at CERN. Researchers report that the eye-roll-to-power conversion ratio is “off the charts.”
“We’ve solved the energy crisis,” said Dr. Helen P. Blank, head of the study. “All we need is a loop of Matthew Perry saying ‘Could I *be* any more efficient?’ and we can power a small country. Ironically, that country is probably Canada.”
Fans are divided: some are thrilled that Chandler’s passive-aggressive muttering may finally have a practical application, while others worry about the ethical implications of weaponized humor. “Imagine Putin having to negotiate with that,” tweeted one user. “He’d just hear ‘I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?’ and immediately surrender.”
In related news, the *Friends* cast has reportedly filed a class-action lawsuit for “emotional renewable royalties,” and the UN has called an emergency summit titled: *“How to Ensure This Joke Doesn’t Run Out of Steam Before the 2030 Emissions Deadline.”*
The irony, of course, is that Matthew Perry—who battled his own demons—would probably hate the attention, but couldn’t resist a dry remark: *“Oh, so now I’m worth