**LOCAL MAN VIRTUALLY SIGNS PETITION, DECLARES ‘WORLD SAVED’ – AITA?**
**LONGVIEW, WA** – In a move that has simultaneously stunned and confused local residents, 34-year-old Chad Thundercock III (possibly not his real name, but let’s be real, it’s probably close) has officially “done his part” to solve the city’s homelessness crisis, by virtually signing a Change.org petition titled “Thoughts & Prayers for Longview’s Potholes.”
“It felt good to finally take a stand from the comfort of my own couch,” Chad told reporters, while simultaneously refreshing his Twitter feed to ensure his digital activism was properly validated. “My mouse-click was crisp. My commitment to actually looking up the issue for more than 17 seconds was unwavering. Honestly, the vibes are immaculate.”
The petition, which has currently amassed 14 signatures—seven of which are from Chad’s alternate accounts named “BasedPotholeDestroyer69” and “IReadTheArticleHeadline”—is expected to be delivered to Mayor’s office via a strongly-worded email composed entirely in Comic Sans. Local officials say they are “cautiously optimistic” that a large enough font size might finally patch the crater at the intersection of 15th and… well, everywhere.
When asked if he plans to attend any city council meetings or, you know, physically participate in his community, Chad scoffed, took a long drag of his vape, and responded, “Bro, that’s for boomers. I’m generating clicks, not solutions. TL;DR: My avatar cares. My real body does not. AITA?”
At press time, the city’s potholes remain unfilled, but local engagement metrics are through the roof.