**Title:** Ken Paxton Finally Finds Something He Won't Investigate: His Own Legal Bills

**Title:** Ken Paxton Finally Finds Something He Won't Investigate: His Own Legal Bills

**Subtitle:** Teflon Ken, now with added irony flavor.

**Body:** AUSTIN, TX – In a move that has shocked absolutely no one, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has announced a new investigation into… checks notes …the New York legal system? Apparently, after spending years racking up legal fees like a Kardashian at a Black Friday sale, Paxton has decided that *other* people’s lawsuits are the real problem. I mean, AITA for thinking the guy who was impeached by his own party, indicted for securities fraud, and is currently skirting federal whistleblower retaliation charges should maybe focus on his own house before launching a crusade against Manhattan DAs? TL;DR: Pot calls kettle "woke," kettle too busy filing motions to respond.

**Verdict:** If this were a Netflix series, the tagline would be: "He’s not guilty, just misunderstood… by the entire state legislature."