**FOR IMMEDIATE VIRAL RELEASE**
**FBI Issues Urgent Alert: Outlook and OneDrive Users Urged to Remain "Hella Chill"**
**WASHINGTON, D.C.** — In a bizarre yet surprisingly soothing turn of events, the FBI has officially updated its threat level for Microsoft Outlook and OneDrive from "Elevated" to "please just unplug the router and go touch grass."
Sources confirm that an internal memo, accidentally CC'd to the entire user base of North America, warned that if users didn't stop forwarding 30 MB of "Happy Birthday" GIFs and blurry receipts, the cloud would literally "overheat and cry."
The alert, now trending as #FBIAlertOnedrive, contained a single line of "urgent guidance": *"We have detected that you have 14,000 unread emails. The criminals are in your inbox, but so is your aunt's chain email from 2012. We are leaving."*
In a press conference, a visibly exhausted agent told reporters: "Look, we are not saying you are being hacked. We are saying your 'Desktop.rar' file from 2008 is taking up more server space than the entire Russian cyber division. Please, for the love of all that is holy, clear your trash bin. We are begging you."
The FBI has since clarified that while there is no active threat, they just really, really need you to log out.