**Local Man Confused Why Chris Hansen Didn't Show Up to His Mom’s Basement, Despite Having “Really Good Pizza Rolls”**
*Cleveland, OH* – In a turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously cringing and howling, local 34-year-old Kyle “K-Dawg” Patterson took to Reddit’s r/AmITheAsshole to ask if he was wrong for being “low-key upset” that famed predator catcher Chris Hansen ghosted him.
According to a now-deleted post (we saw it, Kyle), Patterson claims he spent three hours marinating a bag of frozen Totino’s Pizza Rolls and cleaning his “sick RGB gamer setup” in preparation for the sting. Hansen, however, never arrived.
“He said he was coming over to ‘discuss a special project,’” Patterson wrote. “I had the high-back office chair reclined and everything. AITA for feeling like this was a date and he stood me up?”
Local authorities confirmed Hansen was *never* scheduled for a sting in that zip code, but did note they received a tip about a "man in his 30s with a suspiciously high opinion of his spicy ranch dip.”
When reached for comment, Hansen’s publicist simply stated: “Mr. Hansen does not discuss pending investigations, but we would like to remind the public that the Pizza Rolls are never the bait. The *conversation* is the bait.”
**TL;DR:** Local guy learns the hard way that Chris Hansen only shows up to *take* a seat, not to admire your RGB lighting. 🚁🍕