**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
**AL GREEN’S EULOGY VOTED “SEXIEST SOUND OF THE DECADE”**
**MEMPHIS, TN** – In a bizarre turn of events that has broken the internet, an 18-second clip of Reverend Al Green eulogizing a funeral attendee has been certified Platinum by the RIAA for “sheer emotional wattage.”
The clip, taken from a private service for a beloved local baker, features Green pausing mid-sermon, staring directly at a weeping mourner in the third row, and whispering, *“I’m so tired, baby… things ain’t what they used to be.”* The mourner, a 67-year-old retired librarian named Doris, reportedly fainted. The internet did not.
“It started on TikTok, as all holy chaos does,” explained Dr. Melody “Meme” Harris, a Digital Folklorist at MIT. “Someone layered a kick drum under his sigh, and suddenly Gen Z realized that heartbreak isn’t just for slow jams—it’s for final goodbyes. The irony is beautiful. We’re using the voice of a man who literally sang ‘Let’s Stay Together’ to signal that we are, in fact, falling apart.”
The trend, dubbed **#GreenGrief**, has spawned thousands of videos of users “eulogizing” mundane losses—spilled coffee, dead phone batteries, the last slice of pizza—using Green’s iconic, breathy tone. The peak of absurdity came when a video surfaced of a man using the audio to “mourn” his wife burning his eggs, captioned: *“She took my yolk. I took the Lord’s name in vain. Al Green understood the assignment.”*
When reached for comment, Al Green reportedly chuckled, handed the reporter a copy of his new chef-approved cookbook (*Al’s