**AL GREEN SWINGS LOW, SWEET CHARIOT STRAIGHT INTO LEGAL HOT WATER**
**BROOKLYN, NY** – Legendary soul singer Al Green, 78, is back in the headlines, and not for crooning about love. In a move that has *nobody* asking “Let’s Stay Together,” Green was reportedly detained after a bizarre incident at a local taxidermy shop.
According to police reports, Green allegedly entered “Stuffed & Cuffed Taxidermy” and requested a full-body mount of his own pet goose, “Chicken George.” When told the bird was, tragically, still alive, Green allegedly replied, “I’m a man of the cloth, not a prophet. Get the formaldehyde.”
A brief scuffle ensued when Green attempted to perform a “Tired of Being Alone” interpretive dance while holding a stuffed badger. Officers arrived to find the Reverend serenading a mounted deer head with “Love and Happiness,” claiming it was his “spirit animal.”
AITA for thinking this is the most on-brand thing a 78-year-old soul legend has done in 2024? TL;DR: Man of God, goose enthusiast, taxidermy disruptor. The real scandal? He didn’t even buy a single piece of furniture.