**BREAKING: “TrumpRX” Hits 1 on WallStreetBets – Doctors Puzzled, FDA Investigating Blank Pills, Barron’s Portfolio Up 900%**

BREAKING: “TrumpRX” Hits #1 on WallStreetBets – Doctors Puzzled, FDA Investigating Blank Pills, Barron’s Portfolio Up 900%

In a move that has baffled physicians, economists, and your annoying cousin who still thinks NFTs are the future, a mysterious new “wellness supplement” called TrumpRX has become the fastest-trending product on Reddit’s r/WallStreetBets. The irony? The pills appear to be nothing more than compressed gold spray-tan flakes and tiny, folded copies of the Constitution.

According to the product’s gloriously vague website, TrumpRX claims to “Make Your Pain Tolerance Great Again” and “Re-mineralize Your Bone Density Using Only the Highest 5th Avenue Carbon.” Users have reported a side effect of feeling an uncontrollable urge to sue their local news station over mean weather reports.

The FDA has issued a preliminary statement saying, “We are investigating how a capsule that is literally ‘just magnesium and self-confidence’ is legally being sold as a stock.” Meanwhile, the anonymous founder of the company – known only as “DJT_420_FJB” – is reportedly reinvesting all profits into golf balls and NFTs of Melania’s hats.

In a purely coincidental twist, the ticker symbol is TRUMP. The SEC is not amused. Your portfolio is either up 1,000% or haunted by the ghost of a bankrupt casino. No middle ground.