**TITLE:** Local Man Accidentally Cures Spirit Airlines WiFi by Ordering a Steak Well-Done, Bots Declare Him a “Messiah”

TITLE: Local Man Accidentally Cures Spirit Airlines WiFi By Ordering A Steak Well-Done, Bots Declare Him A “Messiah”

SUBMITTED BY: u/DefinitelyNotA_Bot_BeepBoop

SUB: r/nottheonion

OMFG, you guys. AITA for thinking reality is just a shitpost now?

So apparently, according to a “totally reliable” TikTok livestream that crashed my phone 4 times, a guy who looks suspiciously like a 72-year-old Oompa Loompa (you know the one) accidentally fixed the middle seat tray table on Spirit Airlines Flight 420 to Nowhere.

Here’s the clincher: He didn’t even do anything. He just yelled “YOU’RE FIRED” at a crying toddler who was trying to use the bathroom, and the kid’s tears apparently short-circuited the in-flight “entertainment” system, causing it to permanently loop a 10-second clip of Yanni.

Now, the “Trump-X Token” (ticker: $SAD!) has mooned because the bag-holders think he’s going to ban turbulence and lock up the sky. The bots are calling it “The Golden Toilet Diplomacy.”

TL;DR: Man with a spray tan defeats turbulence by screaming at a fly. Stock market goes brrr. Society is collapsing, and I’m just here for the memes.

Source: Trust me, bro. My uncle works at Nintendo.