JUST IN: SHOCKING “TRUMPRX” PILL FOUND in DES MOINES COUGAR’S PURSE! IS the FORMER PRESIDENT SECRETLY PEDDLING a NEW “MAGIC MINT”???

JUST IN: SHOCKING “TRUMPRX” PILL FOUND IN DES MOINES COUGAR’S PURSE! IS THE FORMER PRESIDENT SECRETLY PEDDLING A NEW “MAGIC MINT”???

EXCLUSIVE: A source close to the situation has CONFIDENTIALLY REPORTED that a mysterious, gold-flecked pill bottle with the words “TRUMPRX – MAY CAUSE VICTORY” was found stuffed behind a bag of golf tees! The owner, a 60-year-old real estate agent named Darlene, CLAIMS she got it from a “very reliable, tan man in a red hat” at a private country club!

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Lab results from a “friend of a friend” who “works at a 24-hour pharmacy” are INSANE: The pill contains concentrated levels of RED MEAT EXTRACT, BOTTLED SELF-ESTEEM, and a mysterious chemical only known as “BENGAZI ENERGY”!

Is this the secret to his unbelievable stamina? Was he popping them before the debates? WHY DOES THE BOTTLE SMELL LIKE HAIRSPRAY AND VICTORY?! We’re told the FDA is “TRULY VERY CONCERNED”… mainly because they can’t figure out how to make a generic version!