**NEWS FLASH: THE ILLUMINATI N*TWORK IS DOWN – TRUMP RX REPORTED MISSING FROM EXPEDITED CURE**

NEWS FLASH: THE ILLUMINATI N*TWORK IS DOWN – TRUMP RX REPORTED MISSING FROM EXPEDITED CURE

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the Rust Belt and the prescription drug aisle alike, sources confirm that the experimental treatment “Trumprx”—a bafflingly orange-hued, 34-count bottle of “Commander-in-Pectoral” syrup—has failed its Phase 4 trial.

The irony? The treatment, which reportedly promised to “Make Your Immune System Great Again,” was supposed to be administered after symptoms appeared, but apparently forgot to include any active ingredients.

The Meme Historian’s Corner: The internet has collectively diagnosed this as “aggressive placebo”: a potent mix of cognitive dissonance, a daily dose of “Believe Me,” and a side effect of “I know the best words.” The clinical trial, which ran exclusively on Truth Social, has now been cited as proof that you can, in fact, fix a broken system by just saying it’s fixed. One user posted a Pikachu meme alongside the caption: “So the orange pills didn’t work? I am shocked. Shocked I say. Well, not that shocked.”

The FDA is reportedly investigating whether the label “Take two and call me in 2025” violates truth-in-advertising laws. In the meantime, the public is advised to seek alternative remedies. Like a flu shot. Or a dictionary.