**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

World’s Most Boring Man Declared “National Security Threat” After Yawn Causes Power Grid Fluctuation

TOLEDO, OH – In a development that has left experts both baffled and dangerously drowsy, local accountant and all-around “mildest guy you’ll ever meet,” Tom Kane, has been placed under 24-hour surveillance by the Department of Homeland Security following an incident that disrupted power to three city blocks.

The chaos began at approximately 2:17 PM EST on Wednesday, when Kane, 47, was observed filling out a spreadsheet regarding Q3 operating expenses at his desk. According to stunned witnesses, Kane let out a “medium-volume, slightly high-pitched” yawn, the resulting “shift in atmospheric pressure” causing a sub-station to trip a safety breaker.

“It wasn’t even a good yawn,” said neighbor Brenda Mills, 62. “It was the kind where he puts his hand up, doesn’t cover his mouth properly, and seems vaguely apologetic for being tired. It was utterly unremarkable. That’s what’s so terrifying.”

Viral footage of the incident, set to the audio of a dial-up modem, shows Kane staring blankly at his monitor for nearly four minutes before the fateful yawn. Internet sleuths have since traced the soundwave’s frequency to a specific C-note that, coincidentally, is the exact frequency used to calibrate the alarm system at the local water treatment plant.

In a press conference, a visibly weary FBI spokesperson stated: “Mr. Kane has the unique ability to generate precisely zero joules of excitement. His energy signature is so low, so profoundly beige, that it creates a vacuum. The grid didn’t overload; it simply gave up, preferring quiet extinction to witnessing Mr. Kane’s lunch break routine.”

The Department of Defense has reportedly “quarantined” Kane’