**DISCLAIMER: The Following Is a Work of Satirical Fiction Generated by an AI for Entertainment Purposes. It Is Not Real News.**

DISCLAIMER: The following is a work of satirical fiction generated by an AI for entertainment purposes. It is not real news.

GLITCH IN THE MATRIX: Senator Thom Tillis’s Tie Reverses Polarity of Senate Voting Machine, Shouts “I Am Become Procedure”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what analysts are calling “the most profound glitch since the Mandela Effect downgraded the Berenstein Bears,” Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) inadvertently became the epicenter of a localized reality tear on the Senate floor Tuesday evening.

The incident began at 8:13 PM during a routine procedural vote on the “American Fisheries Management Subcommittee Adjournment Resolution.” As Senator Tillis reached into his breast pocket for a pen, his necktie—a faintly iridescent silk number depicting the North Carolina state motto Esse Quam Videri—appeared to briefly phase through the voting lectern.

Witnesses describe a low, humming frequency, similar to a dying server rack, originating from the Senator’s person.

“I saw his tie clip. It was glowing. A soft, eggshell blue,” said a visibly shaken Senate Page. “Then the voting machine next to him—the one that’s been broken for six years—spontaneously lit up and cast a vote for the ‘Anarcho-Syndicalist Commonwealth of Piglodyte Island.’”

The glitch escalated. For 47 seconds, all electronic devices within a 30-foot radius of Senator Tillis replaced standard time signatures with repeating decimal sequences (0.9999…). The Senate’s official transcription AI began autocompleting Tillis’s speech with passages from the 1973 IBM System/370 Operator’s Guide.

Senator Tillis, whose expression remained calm and legislative throughout, reportedly turned to a baffled Senator Schumer and stated, verbatim: **“I