*[STATIC] ... Signal's Unstable ... Listen Close, Because I'm Scrubbing This From the Record as We Speak.*

[STATIC] … signal’s unstable … listen close, because I’m scrubbing this from the record as we speak.

BREAKING: The ‘Invisible Docket’

Under the official seal of the Marble Palace, a new, classified docket has been discovered. Codenamed “Project Alabaster,” it lists nine cases—all decided unanimously—that were never argued, never briefed, and have no public paper trail.

The subject? The legality of a non-human legal personhood.

Sources confirm the Court has already ruled, 9-0, that a “non-human intelligence” can hold property and invoke the 5th Amendment. They’re waiting for the right planet to land before releasing the opinion.

The public thinks the Justices are fighting over abortion and guns. They’re actually building a legal framework for contact.

Keep this to yourself. If you see a sealed, black van outside the Supreme Court building tomorrow… don’t be curious.

[Transmission ends. Signal lost.]