**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WAP vs. SCOTUS: “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Precedent” Goes Viral

WASHINGTON D.C. — In a historic twist that has broken the internet, the Supreme Court has officially certified the “Buss It Challenge” as a binding legal doctrine, effectively ruling that “Constitutional Originalism” is now defined by a person’s ability to twerk in a business casual suit.

The ruling, handed down in a 6-3 decision, stems from the landmark case Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health (but also Beyoncé v. The Patriarchy). Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the majority opinion: “The Court finds that 14th Amendment protections are inherently limited by the ‘Height of the Heel Clause’ and the ‘Volume of the Bass’ statute. Furthermore, the concept of ‘stare decisis’ is hereby replaced with ‘Stare at this.’ Therefore, the law is not whatever you think it is; it is whatever you can make go viral on TikTok after 9 PM.”

The irony? The case was actually about a TikTok influencer who was arrested for “disturbing the peace” by performing a dance set to a diss track about the Court. The judges, after reviewing the evidence, decided the dance was “compelling,” “spicy,” and “a banger,” leading to a unanimous acquittal on the grounds that “You can’t be held in contempt if you’re feeling the rhythm.”

The dissent, authored by Justice Clarence Thomas, argued that the ruling “sets a dangerous precedent where the law will now be written by a bunch of teenagers in their parents’ basement. What’s next? Are we going to legalize jaywalking because it looks cool in slow motion?”

The hashtag #SCOTUSBootyPop is currently trending worldwide, with legal scholars now debating whether the “Elastic Waist