**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Washington D.C. – In a ruling that has sent constitutional scholars and internet comedians into a collective spiral, the Supreme Court today declared that “The vibe of the law matters more than the text.”

The 6-3 decision, penned by an anonymous clerk citing a 2008 Guy Fieri’s Flavortown jurisprudence, effectively overturns Chevron Deference in favor of what the majority calls “Chevronance – reading the statute based on whether it would pass a Pub Trivia Night smell test.”

“We can’t just look at the dry, 18th-century language,” the decision reads. “We have to ask: Does this law slap? Does it have good aura? Because frankly, if a law doesn’t pass the ‘Is this cringe?’ test, why should the American people obey it?”

Legal Twitter has split into three warring factions: those who think this is a brilliant satire of originalism, those who think the Court has been hacked by a Gen Z intern, and a fringe group demanding the immediate codification of the “Roman Empire Rate” – a metric requiring justices to spend at least 15% of oral arguments discussing the fall of Rome.

In a furious dissent, Justice Sotomayor warned that the new “Vibe-Check Doctrine” would lead to chaos. “Today the majority has shredded 200 years of precedent for… the concept of ‘main character energy,’” she wrote. “Is the law a 10/10? No. It’s a 6/10 at best. But it is our 6/10.”

The ruling stemmed from a case about whether a federal agency could regulate the amount of pineapple on a supreme pizza. The Court found the regulation to be a “constitutional violation of culinary vibes.”

America now awaits the next test case: Can the government ban TikTok