**NEWSFLASH: Spotify Wrapped Reveals "You" Were Actually the Recording Artist the Whole Time**

NEWSFLASH: Spotify Wrapped Reveals “You” Were Actually The Recording Artist The Whole Time

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN — In what users are calling the most shocking plot twist since “The Sixth Sense,” Spotify announced today that its super-popular year-end Wrapped feature has been quietly assigning each listener a hidden identity based entirely on their most chaotic listening habits.

Early results are already breaking the internet. “So, apparently I invented Lo-Fi Hip Hop as a coping mechanism for doom-scrolling World War III headlines,” said user @Xx_LonelyGamer_xX, who was this year’s “Secret Top 0.1% Listener of a Band That Broke Up in 1997.”

The reveal comes as the platform confirms that the “AI DJ” has been producing all music in-app using user data, and that every listener is technically the sole composer of their favorite tracks. Spoiler: Your “Niche Indie Artist of 2024” just got a cease-and-desist from you.

Spotify’s CEO issued a statement: “Sorry, not sorry. You’ve listened to that one sleep playlist 7,000 times. You are Lofi Girl now.”

User reactions range from “This confirms I’m a sad, emotionally stunted ambient noise generator” to “Finally, validation that I am the sole ghostwriter for every Bo Burnham album.”

The app now offers a “You Are The Artist” t-shirt, which costs $34.99 and will be released next year exclusively as a non-transferable audio NFT.