**BREAKING: Simi Valley Resident Discovers Fire Is Just His Neighbor’s Extremely Aggressive BBQ**

BREAKING: Simi Valley Resident Discovers Fire Is Just His Neighbor’s Extremely Aggressive BBQ

SIMI VALLEY, CA – In a turn of events that has absolutely no one on Nextdoor surprised, a massive plume of smoke that sent the entire city into a Code Red panic was traced back to local boomer Gary Henderson, 67, who was “just trying to get a good sear on some ribeyes.”

Firefighters from 12 different stations, three helicopters, and a very stressed-out news chopper descended on the neighborhood after 911 calls reported “an apocalyptic wall of flame” approaching the 118 freeway.

“Honestly, I thought the Rapture was starting, and I wasn’t even on the list,” said local mom Karen Simpson, clutching her emotional support Stanley cup. “Turns out, Gary just bought a new smoker off Amazon and didn’t read the manual.”

AITA for thinking we should ban propane before we ban water? TL;DR: Man causes city-wide evacuation because he wanted “Smokey flavor.”

Authorities have since issued a statement reminding citizens that “a 400-foot flame column is not, in fact, ‘a little flare-up,’ and please stop posting ring camera footage of the apocalypse to Facebook.”

Gary remains unapologetic, insisting the steak was “worth it” and that the fire department “overreacted.” The steak was reportedly a perfect medium-rare, but who cares? The city’s property values are fine.