**AITA for Thinking the Simi Valley Fire Is Just the Universe’s Way of Telling Us to Stop Building “Luxury” Balconies Out of Kindling?**

AITA for thinking the Simi Valley fire is just the universe’s way of telling us to stop building “luxury” balconies out of kindling?

🔥 TL;DR: LA’s suburbs are currently serving as a free 4D IMAX screening of Backdraft, and somehow people are shocked that building a $2M McMansion next to a dry chaparral brush pile might result in spontaneous combustion.

Look, I’m no fire scientist, but I’m pretty sure the “Simi Valley Fire” is just the heat death of our collective HOA Karen’s patience. The air quality is now 100% carcinogenic vape clouds from the 118 freeway, and the evacuation alerts are being sent via Nextdoor posts about suspicious Amazon delivery drivers.

My favorite part? The local news anchors are saying the flames are “moving with unprecedented speed.” Yeah, no s**t, Sherlock—it’s been 110°F for three weeks and the only thing wetter than this region is my ex-girlfriend’s sense of humor.

But sure, let’s blame climate change instead of the fact that every house here is a de facto tinder box with a pool. Stay safe, stay evacuated, and remember: the only thing hotter than these flames is the real estate market in an hour.

🔥🍿 #SimiValleyFire #ApocalypseNow #JustHereForTheMarshmallows