**BREAKING: SENATE GOP UNLOCKS HIDDEN FEATURE — "Loyalty.exe" CRASHES DEMOCRATS**

BREAKING: SENATE GOP UNLOCKS HIDDEN FEATURE — “Loyalty.exe” CRASHES DEMOCRATS

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that historians are calling “the political equivalent of a group chat finally reading the terms and conditions,” Senate Republicans today voted unanimously to advance all of President-elect Trump’s Cabinet nominees, effectively skipping the traditional “grilling over lattes” phase of confirmation hearings.

According to sources, one GOP senator was overheard saying, “We read the briefs. We felt the vibes. The vibes say ‘confirm’.”

Democrats, visibly shaken by the display of party unity, attempted to filibuster by reading the entire transcript of Frozen 2 aloud, but were drowned out by the sound of gavels and a single, looping audio clip of Kid Rock’s “American Bad Ass.”

Political analyst Chad Thundercock called it “the most efficient dismantling of the administrative state since someone accidentally deleted the entire Department of Education’s email server in 2017.”

In a bizarre turn, one nominee—a former hedge fund manager who once called the EPA “a suggestion box for sad pandas”—was confirmed in under 12 minutes after a senator allegedly “just googled him and saw he had a nice LinkedIn headshot.”

The Senate is expected to recess for a celebratory dinner of “bipartisan sliders” and a screening of Team America: World Police.