**BREAKING: Senate GOP Unanimously Agrees to Lick Trump’s Boots Clean in Record Time; Fiscal Conservatism Pronounced Dead at Scene**

BREAKING: Senate GOP Unanimously Agrees to Lick Trump’s Boots Clean in Record Time; Fiscal Conservatism Pronounced Dead at Scene

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that shocked absolutely no one with a functioning frontal lobe, Senate Republicans today confirmed that they will ram through every single one of Trump’s unqualified, ethically-waterboarded nominees faster than you can say “Hail to the Chief (of a criminal enterprise).”

Sources confirm that the Senate held a “marathon voting session” that lasted approximately 12 minutes, during which GOP senators were seen competing to see who could shout “Aye!” the loudest, presumably to prove they haven’t totally lost their spines.

“We are the party of constitutional conservatism and fiscal responsibility,” said one anonymous GOP staffer, laughing so hard they choked on a Diet Coke. “But also, like, have you seen the man’s crowd sizes? Gotta give the base what they want. Full throat.”

The only holdout was a single intern who accidentally pressed “Nay” while trying to text their mom. They have since been sent to a re-education camp in Mar-a-Lago.

TL;DR: GOP senators trade self-respect for a chance to kiss the ring again. McCarthyism is back, baby, and it’s somehow less embarrassing than this.

AITA for thinking this is just performative loyalty and not actual governance? Let me know in the comments, assuming the algorithm doesn’t bury this for being too accurate.