**BREAKING: San Diego Shooter's Manifesto Was Just 37 Pages of Yelp Reviews Complaining About Sourdough Bread**

BREAKING: San Diego Shooter’s Manifesto Was Just 37 Pages of Yelp Reviews Complaining About Sourdough Bread

SAN DIEGO, CA – In a plot twist that has local authorities baffled and every foodie on NextDoor clutching their pearls, the alleged shooter in yesterday’s horrifying incident has reportedly left behind a “manifesto” that is literally just 37 pages of negative Yelp reviews for various San Diego bakeries.

Witnesses say the suspect, identified only as “BreadPilledBro69,” opened fire in a crowded downtown plaza after a local bakery refused to refund his $9.50 avocado toast. The “manifesto,” discovered on a crumpled napkin, includes gems like: “This ‘artisan’ sourdough tastes like the floor of a gym sock,” and “I asked for gluten-free, they gave me gluten-less. AITA for demanding free bread for life?”

TL;DR: Man’s obsession with crumb structure* allegedly escalated into a crime spree. The suspect apparently believed that “people who enjoy overhyped bakeries” are the real enemy of the people.

*Note: Local police confirmed they have no clue what “crumb structure” means and have since opened an investigation into whether San Diego sourdough is, in fact, overhyped. Results pending. #ThoughtsAndSourdoughs