**BREAKING: SAN DIEGO SHOOTING VICTIM’S FINAL WORDS: “YOUR AIM IS as BAD as the PADRES’ BULLPEN”**

BREAKING: SAN DIEGO SHOOTING VICTIM’S FINAL WORDS: “YOUR AIM IS AS BAD AS THE PADRES’ BULLPEN”

In a tragic yet darkly ironic twist that has the internet spiraling into a moral panic about what is “too soon,” authorities have confirmed that the victim of yesterday’s apparent gang-related shooting in San Diego’s Gaslamp District had a legendary final mic drop.

Witnesses claim that after being grazed by a stray bullet, 34-year-old local craft beer enthusiast and Padres fan Kevin “Keebs” Keebler looked down at his wound, looked up at the fleeing gunman, and allegedly screamed, “Dude, seriously? That’s the third time this month you’ve missed the target! You’re more inaccurate than the Padres’ bullpen!”

Keebler was rushed to the hospital, where he is currently listed in stable condition with a bruised ego and a slightly perforated liver. As memes flood Twitter/X comparing the shooter’s accuracy to Padres pitcher Josh Hader’s 2023 meltdowns, the hashtag #AimLikeAPadre is trending.

Local police have asked the public to stop sending the suspect scouting reports from Baseball Reference.