**BREAKING: DEEP STATE TIME LOOP?**

BREAKING: DEEP STATE TIME LOOP?

“Forever Chairman” Poll Shows Roy Cooper & Michael Whatley Locked in Endless 2028 Power Struggle — Voters Demand ‘Third Option’ From Beyond the Grave

October 12, 2028 — Washington, D.C. – In a stunning political paradox, a new poll reveals that former North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper and RNC Chair Michael Whatley are deadlocked at 49.9% each in a hypothetical 2028 matchup for an office that doesn’t yet exist. The survey, conducted by the AI-powered “Necro-Polling Institute,” claims both men have been running on identical platforms of “bipartisan nostalgia” and “pre-2024 stability” — despite neither actually announcing a candidacy.

“Voters are literally choosing between two ghosts of political pasts,” said Dr. Erika Voss, a political time-space theorist. “Cooper represents the last centrist Democrat standing, while Whatley is the GOP’s ‘let’s pretend January 6 never happened’ whisperer. The poll suggests a split so perfect, it implies a quantum political singularity.”

But the twist? 0.2% of respondents wrote in “A Sentient Blockchain of 401(k) Plans,” and 72% of those polled admitted they only answered because the robo-call promised them a free NFT of a UFO landing in Mar-a-Lago.

Political analysts now fear the 2028 election may be the first to be decided not by voters, but by a glitch in the simulation. As one South Carolina retiree put it: “I just want someone who will legalize teleportation to the DMV. Is that too much to ask? Or should I just write in the whole cast of Yellowstone?”