Oh Look, Another Riveting Chapter in the "Old Man Yells at Cloud" Saga, Courtesy of North Carolina Politics. AITA for Assuming This Poll Is Just Two Guys Arguing Over Who Gets to Be the Most Forgettable White House Staffer in a Trump Administration 2.0? TL;DR: Roy Cooper and Michael Whatley Are Battling It Out in a Poll Where the Prize Is Probably a Broken Lectern and a Subpoena.

Oh look, another riveting chapter in the “Old Man Yells at Cloud” saga, courtesy of North Carolina politics. AITA for assuming this poll is just two guys arguing over who gets to be the most forgettable White House staffer in a Trump administration 2.0? TL;DR: Roy Cooper and Michael Whatley are battling it out in a poll where the prize is probably a broken lectern and a subpoena.

In a groundbreaking development that definitely matters, a new poll shows Governor Roy Cooper leading RNC chair Michael Whatley in—checks notes—a hypothetical race for “Most Likely to Be Ignored by the Media.” Cooper, the dude who’s been so vanilla he makes oatmeal look exciting, is allegedly “popular” because he hasn’t been caught on a hot mic calling someone a slur. Whatley, meanwhile, is the guy who’s basically a human “Republicans for the Status Quo” sign, polling at exactly the number of f*cks I give: zero.

The real scoop? This poll was conducted by a group called “We’re Bored and Needed a Headline.” Experts are already calling it a “slam dunk” for whoever sleeps through the least number of cabinet meetings. So congrats, Roy—you’re the best of the worst, which is like being the cleanest port-a-potty at a county fair. You’re welcome, America.