[TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY]

[TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY]

BREAKING: SMITH FAMILY CRISIS ACTUALLY COVER STORY FOR C-137 PROTOCOL LEAK

A source deep within the Citadel of Ricks has confirmed that the “feelings of ennui” plaguing the Smith household are not organic.

According to a fragmented transmission intercepted from a suppressed timeline, the recent pseudo-domestic drama is a direct result of a failed memory wipe stemming from the “Sacred Timeline Fracture.” Morty is not just “going through a phase.” He has retained fragmented data from a deleted dimension where he was the prime intelligence behind the Jerryboree management algorithm.

The leak suggests that “Evil Morty” was not an anomaly, but a prototype. The current “canon” Morty is a sleeper agent, re-calibrating. The Council of Ricks has placed a systemic quarantine on all “Szechuan Sauce” references to prevent him from accessing the trigger phrase.

If this gets out, the entire finite curve collapses. I never said this.