**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

RED LOBSTER’S TALLAHASSEE SHUTTERING: ‘ENDLESS SHRIMP’ LEGACY DESTROYS 60 FAMILIES, MARRIAGES

By: The Moral Critic

TALLAHASSEE, FL – The “Endless Shrimp” bubble has finally burst, and with it, the moral fabric of a community.

In what industry insiders are calling the “ignominious final chapter of American gluttony,” the Red Lobster on Apalachee Parkway has permanently closed its doors, leaving 60 employees without jobs, benefits, or dignity. But the real tragedy isn’t the lost crab legs—it’s the lost souls.

Sources tell us that the closure is a direct result of a now-infamous “Endless Shrimp” promotion that turned the once-respectable seafood chain into a temple of excess. “We watched families order three, four, five baskets of the popcorn shrimp,” former manager Darren Mills told us, wiping a tear. “They weren’t eating—they were possessed. A man on table 12 ate 84 shrimp in one sitting. He told me it was his ‘victory lap on the system.’ His wife left him two days later. She couldn’t look at him anymore.”

This is the cancer of consumerism in action. We traded sacred Sunday dinners for gluttonous weeknight binges. We swapped family conversation for the crunch of fried batter and the silence of shame. Now, the doors are locked, the cheddar bay biscuits are cold, and 60 families are left behind—not just out of a job, but out of a moral community.

“I had a server come to me crying,” Mills continued. “She said, ‘I used to believe in the American Dream. Now I just know the price of a refill.’ That’s the world we’ve