**AITA for Thinking Red Lobster’s Tallahassee Closure Is Actually a Social Experiment on How Much Stale Biscuits People Can Tolerate Before Committing a Felony?**

AITA for thinking Red Lobster’s Tallahassee closure is actually a social experiment on how much stale biscuits people can tolerate before committing a felony?

Alright, Reddit, grab your Cheddar Bay Biscuits (the only non-freezer-burned thing on the menu) because we gotta talk about the absolute dumpster fire that is the Tallahassee Red Lobster finally kicking the bucket. 🦞⚰️

For those out of the loop: the Tallahassee location, a sacred pilgrimage site for folks who think “lobster” means “sure, why not, I’ll eat the tail of a bug if it’s drowned in butter,” has officially closed. And I’m not talking about a peaceful, dignified closing—oh no. We’re talking about a slow, agonizing death that’s been happening for the last 5 years, like watching a goldfish swim in a bowl of its own urine. 🐠🥴

The Backstory (TL;DR): This location was the off-brand version of a Red Lobster. The bathrooms smelled like a fishy handshake, the “endless shrimp” was actually a psychological test of your will to live, and the staff looked like they’d been held hostage since 2018. Yet, like the final scene of The Mist, people kept walking in, thinking “maybe this time the lobster won’t taste like a damp sock.”

Here’s the kicker: Locals are now acting like this is a tragedy. One person on Facebook (because of course it’s Facebook) said, “Where am I supposed to get a cheap date now?” Bro, you were getting a cheap date at a place that serves cheddar biscuits from a cardboard box and charges you $25 for a “lobsterfest” that’s clearly just a frozen tail from 2019. ☠️

I’m convinced this closure is actually a