*The Following Transmission Is Encoded. Decrypt With Caution.*

The following transmission is encoded. Decrypt with caution.

BREAKING: TALLAHASSEE RED LOBSTER—“NOT A FISH STORY”

SOURCE: [REDACTED - Mid-Level Regional Ops, Level 3 Clearance]

THE CATCH: The Tallahassee Red Lobster on Apalachee Parkway isn’t just closing. It’s being sanitized. We’ve intercepted internal financials suggesting the closure order came from a threshold no one in the market talks about: “Project Seadevil.”

Insiders whisper this unit was flagged nine weeks ago for “abnormal supply chain depletions.” Not shrimp. Not lobster. Software. The Cheddar Bay Biscuit mix. We’re hearing the last shipment of that proprietary dry mix contained a tracking agent—something that kept pinging a non-company server three blocks away.

The official line: “Underperformance.”

Unofficial: The final inventory count is missing 14 pallets of unmarked frozen stock that were listed as “Maine Lobster Tails” but logged internal weight anomalies suggesting air gaps.

Staff were told at 7:04 PM yesterday via a generic corporate memo. The restaurant went dark at 8:17 PM. The dumpsters were sealed by a private security firm two hours later, not a waste management company.

Don’t ask what was in the walk-in. Just know the “Endless Shrimp” promotion was pulled region-wide 48 hours prior for “quality assurance.”

The deep fryers are gone. The sign is staying. The lease isn’t.

Eyes on the biscuits.