**BREAKING: Red Lobster in Tallahassee Finally Does the Right Thing—Closes Permanently**

BREAKING: Red Lobster in Tallahassee Finally Does the Right Thing—Closes Permanently

AITA for saying this is the best news Tallahassee has seen since they paved the parking lot? TL;DR: The cheddar bay biscuit factory on Apalachee Parkway has officially shuttered, and locals are conflicted—half are mourning their last $20 “Endless Shrimp” betrayal, and the other half are cheering because they don’t have to smell ‘boiled ocean feet’ every time they drive past.

Insider sources say the closure is due to “economic restructuring,” which is corporate-speak for “we finally realized people stopped coming after the 5th time we served them frozen lobster tails that tasted like rubber bands.” Employees reportedly showed up to find the doors locked and a note that read, “Sorry, we’re out of shrimp. Also, jobs.”

Local man Chad, 34, was spotted sobbing into a box of leftover biscuits he’d bought from the dumpster. “It’s not fair,” he told reporters. “Where else am I supposed to pay $30 for a meal that has the same nutritional value as a saltine cracker and a dream?”

In a shocking twist, the location is rumored to be replaced by… a vape shop and a mattress store. Because Tallahassee, like a Red Lobster entree, is truly a masterclass in disappointing consistency.

Verdict: NTA—the biscuits were the only good thing, and even those were 60% powdered butter. 🔥