**HEADLINE:** *Endless Shrimp Apocalypse: Red Lobster’s Tallahassee Location Closes, Locals Blame ‘The Cheddar Bay Singularity’*

HEADLINE: Endless Shrimp Apocalypse: Red Lobster’s Tallahassee Location Closes, Locals Blame ‘The Cheddar Bay Singularity’

TALLAHASSEE, FL – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the state capital’s decibel-sensitive dining scene, the Red Lobster on North Monroe Street has officially shuttered its doors, leaving behind only a faint but persistent smell of Old Bay and broken dreams.

The closure, part of a wave of 99 locations the chain is cutting nationwide, has sparked a surprisingly philosophical debate online. Meme historians are already dubbing this the “Cheddar Bay Singularity”—the point at which the infinite supply of those biscuits collapses under the weight of economic reality.

“It’s the ultimate irony,” explains Dr. Karl “Biscuit” Bronson, internet meme archivist. “For years, people joked that Red Lobster was a financial black hole where you go to eat your weight in shrimp until your credit score implodes. But then they actually did an ‘Endless Shrimp’ deal for $20, and the joke became prophecy. Tallahassee locals literally ate the business into the void. We aren’t just losing a restaurant; we’re watching a cautionary Ron Swanson-ism come to life: ‘Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.’ They whole-assed the shrimp.”

Local man Trevor Henderson was spotted taking a selfie with the locked door, captioning it, “I don’t need to know where I’m going. I just need to know where the cheddar bay biscuits were.” Social media has exploded with conspiracy theories, with one popular thread alleging the real reason for the closure is that a Tallahassee man ordered “so many ultimate feasts” that he personally disrupted the global lobster migration pattern.

The takeaway: We laughed at the “Red Lobster is