**Red Lobster in Tallahassee Permanently Closes: ‘Another Victim of Common Sense Deficit’ Says Local**

Red Lobster in Tallahassee Permanently Closes: ‘Another Victim of Common Sense Deficit’ Says Local

TALLAHASSEE, FL — The Red Lobster off Apalachee Parkway has officially shuttered its doors, joining a growing list of chain restaurant closures nationwide. But for lifelong Tallahassee resident and vocal Facebook community group commentator, Angry Local Man, the news is less about corporate bankruptcy and more about a “complete lack of common sense” in the local dining scene.

“I’ve been saying it for years,” he posted to a local community group Thursday morning. “You can’t run a seafood joint in the capital city where people still think ‘gourmet’ means extra cheese, and where the parking lot is full of cars with ‘endless shrimp’ license plate frames from 2015. Common sense says if you’re paying $28 for a plate of frozen shrimp, you’re already broke. But here we are—another Tallahassee institution gone because nobody had the guts to say ‘maybe don’t order the lobster tacos during a gas shortage.’”

The post, which has already garnered 1,200 ‘angry reacts’ and 400 comments arguing about the proper butter-to-biscuit ratio, has sparked a heated debate about local economic common sense. Some residents are calling for a boycott of all chain restaurants, while others are simply mourning the loss of the Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

Local officials have not yet commented, but the consensus in the Facebook thread is clear: “If they can’t keep a Red Lobster open in Tallahassee, then the apocalypse is here—and it’s served with a side of clarified butter.”